...and I couldn't even have a glass of wine!

Wow, thanks so much for all your replies on my blogger quiz - that was the most popular post in a while!

If you enjoyed that post, I wonder if I could ask you again to vote for me? Thanks to your nominations, Faith Hope and Charity Shopping has actually made the short-list for a BritMums 'BiB' Award [Brilliance in Blogging - their words not mine] - in the 'LAUGH' category - and well, it would be pretty cool to be in the finals. I don't have a gazillion twitter followers and very few people in my day to day life know about the blog, so if you could take the time to vote I'd really appreciate it. It's very quick and you don't need to enter any personal details - just tick the box and submit. You'll need to scroll down to the 'LAUGH' category, it's the 11th award. Thanks!

It's been another busy week with Boy2's birthday and party this time. When I gave up alcohol for Lent I had somehow failed to consider the fact that it encompasses both children's birthdays. Won't be making that mistake again! Neither will I inflict more of my cake making efforts on you here, but if you do want to see what my attempt at a pirate treasure chest looked like then there are pictures on my Facebook page. And for those of you who follow my blog page on FB - have you seen the competition I've got running at the moment? You can win a copy of  Junk for Joy by Sian Berry - with all kinds of makeover and upcycling ideas, perfect for Spring.

Hope you're all enjoying the sunshine.

Thanks in advance for any votes - I won't be boring about it, honest.

Lakota x

EDIT: At the risk of being really tedious and completely negating my last sentence I have just discovered from Twitter that I have been nominated for 'Blog of the Year' in the MADs as well. I have no idea how this works, I think I would need lots more nominations for the remotest chance at this one but as there is actual MONEY and a holiday up for grabs I suppose I should at least mention it :-) 

I will put a badge on the sidebar, and if you feel like clicking then please do and I will love you always. (I thought this one was really for child-centric blogs only, but it appears that my occasional sarcastic mention of the offspring and my dire birthday cake efforts loving words about the children may actually count for something. Why are there no awards specifically for snark and sporadic charity shop treasure? Perhaps I will start one. Who's with me?

Little Blog of the Month Award (with drunken mugging for the camera)

Hello! Just a quick post before I chicken out to say THANK YOU to everyone who voted for Faith Hope and Charity Shopping in the Dorset Cereals 'Little Blog of the Month' awards. I'm really pleased to say I won November's vote! Like I said before, it's exactly like the Oscars, just with a rather delightful egg-cup (Wedgewood darling) instead of that tacky gold man affair. Obviously there was an award ceremony (in my dining room, brought to you by Sauvignon Blanc), and I remembered you all in my speech. 

Oh! What's occurrin'?

In addition to the egg-cup and certificate there was also cereal aplenty, none of that cheap crap either, this shizzle's four quid a box. The Mr's already swiped the honey granola to take to work.

Charlotte Church papped post-Waitrose shop - classy

But seriously, I know it's just a little award, but it means a lot. All of you who read, follow, comment or even search 'hessian panties' - you're all awesome. Thanks again.

Lakota x

Perverts, vamps and voting...

Blogging is a marvellous thing. Not only do you get to connect with lunatics crafty/stylish/literary geniuses all round the globe - but there's the dubious bonus of discovering the ways in which people use and abuse Google. And indeed the English language. Yes, I speak of the peculiar pleasure of trawling the 'search keywords' section of your blog stats.

If you read 'How to drive traffic to your blog' type posts you'll be told to keep a keen eye on your keywords, work out what's popular and tailor your writing accordingly. I suppose if you're a fashion blogger and continually get hits for 'Topshop' or '70s style flares' this could be helpful. However my keywords range from the perverse to the ridiculous, and quite frankly, I'll decide what to write, not the work-shy bloke from Doncaster* who googles 'plump luscious booty' every single bloody morning. Besides, what my stats have told me is that whilst many people are keen (and specific) in their admiration of ladies' nether parts, there was a reason for the original photo which I assume led to all this, which is unlikely to be repeated. I had thought I was justified in continuing the Magic and Madness of Ebay series, given the number of people searching for 'dark magic priestesses' and all kinds of cosmetic procedures with 'spell' tacked on the end, but then it dawned on me that they'd be unlikely to appreciate my slant on it. It continues regardless.

Here's my search keywords from earlier today, pretty standard really, although the djinns are recent addition following the genie post.

They're a bit weird, but I can see how they all led to my blog. Same with 'Felt asparagus' which popped up recently. Some poor crafty type was innocently searching for fake food patterns and got me in a belligerent mood. Thing is, I was joking, naively thinking that making fabric aphrodisiacs was a pretty unlikely pastime. I've since Googled it myself  (thus perpetuating the madness). It isn't. I apologise.

However, occasionally there's a really random one. Whilst I do have an admitted fondness for vintage children's books, I'm not sure I ever reviewed this particular tome:

Aah, who doesn't remember this tale from their childhood?

'The Little Blue Gray Kitten Old Lady Saucer', an absolute classic.

Good luck with that, Googler. 

And 'malt coloured eyes'? WTF is that about? That's the colour you've set your heart on? Malt? As in beer or that sticky fruit loaf your mum used to buy which welds itself to your soft palette? Weirdo. [If you meant multi-coloured, then you're just stupid].

The thing is, even when it isn't the semi naked picture search luring people to my blog, the keywords are somehow pornographic. 'Cock and Testicles earrings' for example. Yes, I like earrings. I have been on a hen night or two in my time. I have never eulogised about genital themed jewellery. This search does not help me write posts that normal people want to read. As for whoever was searching for 'plump nude grannies', one can only guess at the many many pages of geriatric exhibitionists which must have come before the fateful click where he discovered me discussing crochet blankets. That shows true dedication to niche pornography. I'm so sorry for the inevitable disappointment. At least fans of 'Eric Northman Nude' get what they're looking for here. I am tempted to post something ridiculous like 'velvet onion etching', just to see if anyone ever searches the term. Any suggestions? There'll be a prize if it ever turns up in my stats!

Anyway, occasionally the stats tab brings a pleasant surprise, which occurred when I realised a couple of people had been referred here by the Dorset Cereals website, which run a 'little blog awards'. Someone (and by that I mean my husband, presumably) has nominated me, and as there is cereal and an egg-cup (yes, seriously) up for grabs - why wouldn't I want to win? Why, it's virtually the Oscars! Just with healthy oat and wheat flakes and without the Tom Hanks bias. If you like the blog and would be kind enough to vote for me, you can click the link below or see picture on my sidebar. You could win cereals too, just by voting!

http://www.dorsetcereals.co.uk/fun-stuff/little-blog-awards/nomination/5507

Do let me know about your oddest searches.

Lakota x

*I admit this may be extrapolation on my part

It's all about ME, darhlink!

Hello! I'm back, sorry once again for the absence. Boy2 is being eased agonisingly slowly into nursery school - an hour yesterday, a whole two today - and I've used the time wisely by writing a post that witters on about me. To be honest I'm not really your classic blogger - seeing as the adjective which is mostly used by my family to describe me is 'secretive' - but I've been reading a few of these A to Z's on other people's blogs, and thought I'd give it a go. Also, I realised that I never thanked a couple of lovely bloggers who awarded me the Versatile Blogger thingy ages ago, and as blog awards always seem to involve trivia about yourself, this should kill two birds in one bush with a big rock. Or something.

I think I'm going to go award free on the blog from now on - just because I can't devote the time to doing them properly - but I really appreciate everyone who's thought of me. Do go and check out the lovely blogs Pretty Little Jewels and Little Dotty Bird - many thanks ladies.

The A-Z of me

A-Age:

Nearly 35. I'm not sure how this happened. I have achieved my youthful look by selling my soul to the devil. Works far better than Oil of Olay.

Give Peas a Chance

B-Bed size:

I don't know why this is a fascinating insight. But it's a double. It has a once lovely kingsize patchwork blanket on it which the children have utterly destroyed with their little claws.

C-Chore that you hate:

Pretty much anything which can be described as a 'chore' does not sit well with me. I'm not really cut out for housework. But ironing is my most loathed. Luckily for me - and clothes everywhere - Mr FHCS does it.

D-Dogs:

Round here they appear to hand out staffordshire bull terriers or their scarier cousins once you reach 17 years of age. Given that every few yards on the school run we have to dodge a snarling ball of pent up aggression on a string, boy2 is scared of them. In theory I have no objection to them - indeed I actively  like red setters and sausage dogs. More of a cat person though.

E-Essential start to your day:

Coffee. Even though I virtually OD'd on it and now only drink shandy ass decaf, it's still a must have if I'm required to do anything in the morning.

F-Favourite Colour:

Purple. Turquoise, especially in jewellery.

G-Gold or silver:

Silver, on the whole. Although I don't mind a bit of gypsy bling occasionally

H-Height:

I am 5' 6" in my converse.

I-Instruments you play:

I can play the piano haphazardly to an unimpressive standard (grade 4) and would love to have one again. I might make a bit more effort at it now. I've also played violin, flute and recorder whilst at school, all pretty badly. My husband is the musician of the family and there are guitars everywhere.

J-Job title:

The boss. Mummm-eeeeeeee!

K-Kids:

Two boys, aged 6 and 3. One brunette with blue eyes, one blonde with brown eyes. Both exceedingly handsome and hilarious, with ultra scruffy hair. The eldest is quiet, conscientious, a big reader and deep thinker, his little brother is the comedian likely to have household objects down his trousers. Or no trousers.

L-Live:

Right now, SE London, but we're trying to move house.

M-Mother's name:

Sue. Vegetable grower, pudding maker, glamourpuss.

Mum and Me

N- Nickname

Boots.

O-Overnight hospital stays:

Had to stay in several days when I had both the boys. Not in a hurry to repeat the experience for any other reason.

P-Pet peeves:

Ha! So many. Other people's noise. People who dawdle on the pavement. Spitting. People who don't clean up after their dogs. People who can't punctuate or use apostrophe's like I just did. Facebook updates about mundane dinners. Ditto people with GPS on their phones so we can be alerted that Claire is 'at Asda'.  Being called 'Mum' by teachers and health visitors...Ok, so people generally. Not you guys though. You guys are great.

Q-Quote from a film:

As teenagers, my friends and I were obsessed with several films and were forever scrawling quotes from them on things (pencil cases, folders, the wall in the girls' loos...). These included, but were not limited to:

We want the finest wines available to humanity. And we want them here, and we want them now!

Withnail and I

My own brother, a goddamn shit sucking vampire! Well you wait til Mom finds out buddy!

The Lost Boys

Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it

Ferris Bueller's Day Off

My brain is at least 77% song lyrics and 80s film scripts.

R-Right or left handed:

Right

S-Siblings:

A younger sister, Jenny. Amazing chef and close personal friend of Bill Bailey. 

T-Time you wake up:

Far earlier than I'm designed to.

U-Underwear:

Er, yes. Loads. Bras are important. Preferably Freya.

V-Vegetable you hate:

Chicory. It's pretty revolting. No idea why the Belgians like it so much.

W-What makes you run late:

Checking blogger/Facebook/Twitter/emails when I should be brushing children's teeth. More recently, days have been lost to Pinterest. Come join me!

X-X rays you've had:

I'm going to assume you won't mind me changing this question to something less boring - sorry to any bone scan fans - let's have 'X-Factor, yes or no?' instead. "Well Lakota, I would have to say yes, despite loathing all the 'music', being the last person to care about the career of Cheryl Cole, and knowing that it's fundamentally wrong to laugh at the mentally ill. Cowell's some kind of evil magician."

Y-Yummy food that you make:
Mocha Squares. Chocolate oaty base with coffee icing. I insisted my mum make these for every birthday since about the age of 4, and if there was a fire, you know I'd be mentally weighing up whether I had time to get the kids and the recipe. My husband and boys are now obsessed with them too.

Z-Zoo animal:

Tapir. They're just really cool.

Who else has done this A to Z? Despite being secretive, I make no secret of being nosey as well!

Lakota x

PS. I can't remember how many people I'm supposed to pass the blog award on to, but this time I choose:


Charismagick
Dustbunnies
La Sophia
Misfits Vintage
Perdita's Pursuits
Ranch Dressing with Eartha Kitsch
Pull Your Socks Up
Vintage Passions Just Like Mine

All awesome.

Top 10 Tagged

The stylish and beautiful Becca aka Smashingbird has tagged me for the Top 10 award, which requires you to list your top 10 beauty products. As you may have already realised, I'm a natural beauty terminally lazy day to day. Even if I feel like it, I very rarely seem to have time to do anything thrilling make-up wise before I head out to do the school run, and am in awe of women who manage to do a full face of make-up as well as get their children ready. Mind you, some appear to claw back the time by not changing out of their night attire. I have yet to plummet far enough into indolence to not get dressed in the morning, so I feel I am one up on the 'pyjama mamas'. Anyway, here's my 'can't do without' products, in no particular order:

1. Clarins UV Plus Day Screen spf 40. It's poncey, it's expensive, it comes in a teeny weeny bottle. Sorry. It's well worth it though. It doesn't bring my face out in spots like a lot of sun-creams do, and it sits happily under moisturiser and make-up. I would recommend getting people to bring it back for you from airports, or buying with Boots Advantage Card points. It does turn up on Ebay cheaper as well, so shop around, as with most of my recommendations to follow. You'd think I'd be thriftier. Huh.

2. nails inc. polishes. These were also on Becca's list, but I couldn't leave them off mine, as I am in complete agreement. They have have every colour you could possibly need, and the top and base coats are the best I've come across for giving a professional manicure finish. They are often given away with Glamour (readable) and InStyle (terrible), and as they are about £12 in the shops, it's well worth buying the magazines for the freebies alone.

3. Johnson's baby shampoo. I have fine hair, but loads of it, and it tangles terribly when I wash it. A hair dresser recommended I use this years before I had any children, and it does help. And 'no more tears' for me when I get it in my eyes!

4. Origins Night-A-Mins eye cream. Expensive, but lasts ages and appears to be working! Luckily a good friend works for Estee Lauder and can get it cheaply for me.

5. Thierry Mugler Angel perfume. Reminds me of Paris with Mr FHCS, where I first sprayed and bought it from Sephora. Now my signature scent, and one of the few 'big' perfumes that doesn't give me a headache. I can't speak for anyone around me though! [CK one is an old favourite and close second, but it reminds me so powerfully of living in Bristol that I can't wear it without a being transported back instantly to my University days. I don't spend all my time pining for student life, but the merest hint of its scent makes my heart lurch]

6. The Body Shop brow and lash gel. Tames my unruly eyebrows!

7. Ditto Tweezerman tweezers. These are also handy for grey hair removal. I do not subscribe to the notion that if you pull one out, 5 more grow. This is nonsense. If you don't pull them out, they will mock you from the mirror in the style of that hair dye advert where one crazy hair waves wildly from the top of a woman's head. Obviously there will come a time when it's grey hair or baldness. Then I shall embrace the dye. At the moment, the couple I have are ruthlessly executed. You blondies are lucky.

8. Shavata arch enhancer pencil. You may be noticing an obsession with my eyebrows. I said I was lazy, I've never claimed not to be vain! This is a weird chunky pencil which you draw under your eyebrow with, and it highlights the arch. It's also excellent as a concealer to hide any stray hairs which are growing back but you haven't yet plucked/waxed/threaded.

9. Origins Calm to your Senses body soufflé. This smells amazing and is extremely luxurious and stupidly priced! I also have loads of other body lotions and potions which I need to use up first, but if I had the choice I'd go for this one. At £22 a pop it's a good thing I have the aforementioned beauty industry friend. [I managed to Google this wrong several times. Clam Soufflé is something else entirely, and unlikely to bring anyone but the local tomcats to your boudoir.]

10. Red lipstick. This is what tells me - and I suppose the world - that I mean business and am upping the glamour stakes. My face in repose is inclined to the pouty, (I had an unfortunate nickname as a teen based on my mouth and its supposed attributes) and when I smile we're talking a Jack Nicholson grin I inherited from my dad, so I don't really wear red during the day. It's a bit too 'look at me' for first thing in the morning (not my best time). I have yet to find the holy grail of red lippies, and have been following recent posts on the subject with interest, but at the moment I tend to combine two. Firstly Revlon's In the Red, which is very matte in texture, then I layer Rimmel's Diva Red over the top, which is far glossier, and wears off more quickly. If you're a fellow pasty brunette (who gets flushed easily) with green eyes and have found a red you love - do let me know!

So, on to listing the ten bloggers whose make up bags I'd like to root around in. Apologies if you've been tagged in this already, I've seen this post around quite a bit recently.

VainGlorySinner
Tea Diary
Blighty Boutique
Fashion's Most Wanted
Firebird
Hippie Boho Reloaded
Missy Vintage
Me and My Shadow
LaSophia
Gem Fatale

A couple of awards...

I'm away in Malta at the moment but due to the marvel that is the scheduled post I can give you a virtual wave without even touching my computer. To the two lovely people who have given me awards, I'm really sorry it's taken me so long to get round to doing this post - I do really appreciate you thinking of me.

First up thank you to the charming Kezzie at KezzieAG who passed the One Lovely Blog Award on to me. 

I was then really flattered to be one of the recipients of the Sunshine Award from the ever stylish Viviane at Hippiebohoreloaded.

As usual with these things I think I'm supposed to give you some random facts about me and nominate some other bloggers, although I am going to cheat a little and combine the two awards -  

1. I do excellent impressions of most characters from 'Gavin and Stacey', although I think my Nessa has the edge. 
2. I've had various nicknames, including PVC and Boots. [No cards with my number have ever appeared in phone boxes]
3. My most recent parenting triumph came last week when my 3 old approached a random woman at the swimming baths, and cheerfully informed her "you look like a funny, funny witch!" To be fair, she was wearing black, and had long henna'd hair [we'd just borrowed Room on the Broom from the library]
4. I love Tim Minchin and think he's one of the funniest and most intelligent comedians working today. See video below for just one reason.
                                         
5. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up...

I'm passing the awards on to the following bloggers - as usual, if they're not your thing, just see it as compliment, no pressure to accept, but if you want to - lovely. I know some people have stopped doing blog awards as they see them as the equivalent of those email chain letters*. I suppose they are, but it's always nice to be appreciated. It's also a chance to find out about blogs you might not otherwise know about. 

Pick whichever you don't already have!

15 Coast Road - Seaside and sewing from Wendz

Atomic Betties - Play 'Vintage Hot or Not' with Flo

Jumbles and Pompoms - Love Loo and her jumbley finds

The Vintage Knitter - Many tricks up her sleeve

Ivy Black Chat - She's a lady. And she makes stuff.

Scarlett Loves Elvis - Finally I can return the favour!

Lucy Violet Vintage - Everybody needs a neighbour like Kylie...

Vintage Vixen - A style legend, I don't think she does these things but wanted to give her a nod

and 

Blackbird Has Spoken Go and see what she says

Lakota x

*Tell 5  friends about Faith Hope and Charity Shopping and you will receive good news by the end of the day. Tell 10 friends and lose that last stubborn 1/2 stone you've been trying to shift since Christmas...

Creatively Spelt Blog Award

Thanks so much to Scarlett for this award, much appreciated my dear, and sorry I inevitably took so long to get around to this post. [Couldn't bring myself to type 'Kreativ' in the title - reminds me of people that name their children Mykkaylah or Chelzee]

Terms of acceptance dictate that I pass this on to some other bloggers and also share 10 facts about myself. I know that blog awards aren't everyone's cup of tea, but if I tag you, please just see it as a compliment and that I enjoy your blog. There's no pressure to accept and pass it on if you'd rather not, though if you'd like to, great - I love finding new blogs on recommendation. There are so many I enjoy and I could have awarded any of Scarlett's other picks, but I thought I'd concentrate on some newer (to me, anyway) bloggers and a couple of  old favourites. 

So, step up

Sleeping or Sewing

The White Approach

Kat Got the Cream

Mousehouse

Land Girl 1980

Anyway, on to some unknown facts about me...

1. I'm a published poet - including one on the London Underground - and also write occasionally for a poetry magazine.

2. I get hiccups. All. The. Bloody. Time.

3. I have a terrible sense of direction. "Getting into the map" a la Joey from Friends seems perfectly reasonable to me.

4. My eyes are slightly different colours.  Many people have felt the need to tell me, as though I was unaware of it - usually after knowing me for about 5 years and suddenly noticing.

5. I don't generally wear makeup unless I'm going 'out' out, but I don't really feel dressed without earrings.

6. I really dislike egg white. (unless in the form of a meringue, naturally). Otherwise, I'll eat anything.

7. I can recite pretty much the entire script of The Lost Boys, having watched it approximately 2,511 times.

8. Despite not being the target demographic (and having a degree in English Literature) I really quite like the Twilight books. 


9. I daydream all the time, generally about film type scenarios. Hence I know how I would kill someone who ever hurt my family, what I would change my name to if I was on the run, how I would escape from a car boot etc. That's normal, right?

10. Um, my favourite colour is turquoise. Or purple. Depends on the season. Gosh, I'm an enigma  ;-)


As this is a somewhat self-indulgent post, can I also take this opportunity to thank all my followers for making this blogging malarky fun. I have noticed quite a few new names on board recently, and I really appreciate it, whether you comment or not. And if I haven't managed to visit your blog lately, I apologise, I do try to keep up.

Lakota x

Genius recognised! Ahem.

Hello all - having finally returned to blogland after a little alcohol induced absense last night, I was very flattered to discover I've been awarded the Liebster Blog Award by the fabulous blogger and fellow bargain hunter Scarlett over at Scarlett Loves Elvis. Scarlett has a gorgeous blog and finds many lovely (and cheap) things of which I'm very jealous so do check it out.

The Liebster Blog Award is for smaller scale blogs (under 300 followers) and as seems to be usual for these things you can then pass it on to other bloggers who you feel are worthy of recognition.

Here's the rules (as far as I could find)
1. Post displaying the award and linking back to the person who awarded you
2. Reveal your own blog picks and let them know they're awarded
3. Hope everyone discovers some new favourites
3. Revel in the blog love!

Now, I could have awarded many of Scarlett's other choices - but here are some fantastic bloggers who I don't think have received this award yet and are just as deserving. Some are bigger than others but all have under 300 followers. {and if you like my blog, please do follow. Google friend connect is that-a-way ----->}

The Account of the Comtesse de Ferveur
Outfits blog with a lot of thrifted items. And the Comtesse herself has a look of Liv Tyler. What's not to love?

Joyful Treasure Hunting
A new blogger and kindred spirit on the other side of the pond

Home Made Gorgeous
Sewing, lovely fabrics and general prettiness from the lovely Sarah

MyStyle, Thrifting, Fashion and Me....
Daily outfit inspiration for those of us on a budget. Especially great on coats and shoes!

Beautiful Clutter
Jem always writes a pretty post about her gorgeous finds

And finally,
Being of Sound Mind
Smallest blog I follow, deserving of more readers. Lucewoman's musings on daily life and the imagination are always worth a look.

Thanks to everyone who follows and comments on my blog and makes it such fun to do. I'm off to sort out a giveaway now, so watch this space... x