Tuesday 24 May 2011

The Magic and Madness of Ebay. Part 1

Ebay. It's a fertile source of vintage (and not so vintage) fripperies, genuine Mulberry Alexas all the way from China, and last year's Primark playsuits. If you type 'chewing gum' into the buying page, the related searches it gives you include 'used chewing gum', 'half eaten sandwich' and 'Britney Spears bra'. Yup, it's a whole compendium of crazy, but some items (and sellers) take it to a hitherto undiscovered level. So, welcome to the first in an occasional series of magic and madness I've found on Ebay. For your delectation today - Spirit Dolls!


Oh yes. You thought reborn dolls were a bit freaky? Indeed they are, and I would swear this is in fact a real child - for $400 I would expect him to be, frankly - but Spirit Dolls go one better. 'Barry' on the left there doesn't do much (unless you count emptying your bank account - spookily realistic again) but don't you want a doll who can 'communicate with you through dreams', 'cause lights to flicker', 'slam doors' , 'create cold spots' or 'play with the faucet'?

You do? Welcome to the world of haunted dolls. Each occupied by a spirit - usually of a child who 'died' in tragic circumstances - and more often than not sold by someone who is 'downsizing', and cannot keep all their paranormal collection of rowdy offspring. What is not explained is why the dolls in question so often resemble the bastard offspring of Chucky from Child's Play and Little Orphan Annie. Look away now if you don't like clowns...

This is Madalyn. Gosh, she's just adorable isn't she? 
Perhaps she died at a birthday party, choking on a Chicken McNugget.

The seller in question is very concerned about the spirit friend she's  flogging on Ebay  passing on and begs:

"All I ask is that you give your spirited doll a good and loving home. Treat each of them with the utmost respect. After all, you too may be a spirited doll someday"

Yes, just as the Bible tells us folks...lead a good life and end up trapped in the body of Tiny Tears, spending eternity turning a fridge on and off.

Of course, you'd probably want a friend for Madalyn wouldn't you? This is Mira, who fell in the creek and drowned whilst trying to catch tadpoles.

She should have used a net...

Oh goody, she can stand up.
Wouldn't it be lovely to see her crossing your room at night?

Whilst researching this post I very nearly clicked Buy It Now rather than Add to Watch List. Phew. I could have inadvertently purchased a 'Haunted Evil Demonic Wooden Zebra'!


Be careful what you buy at the bootsale...


The seller claims to have bought it at an antiques market without knowing it was haunted, much less demonic, and despite being a collector of the paranormal, 'does not want any part of demons'. Well who can blame her?  Just listen to her sales pitch:

"About a week after bringing this into my home weird things started to happen...doors slamming when no one else was there and heavy footsteps, disembodied voices and a horrible smell at times..."

Sounds pretty much like life with toddlers to me, but no, she blames the demonic zebra, yours for only $24.99. I checked the feedback of some of these sellers, and they all seem to have given 100% satisfaction. My favourite comment was this one:

Fast ship and as described. Would do business with again! My wife says Thanks!
(Haunted Baby Secret Doll Possessed Scary Demon Ghost)

One can only imagine the occasion that calls for a baby doll with demonic possession as the perfect gift. If your budget is a little larger than $24.99, who could fail to be enticed by this title?


HAUNTED POSSESSED DEVIL DOLL FROM THE GATES OF HELL!!!
$999.00 (free shipping)

That free shipping might just seal the deal for the casual shopper. The listing was accompanied by a lengthy and no doubt nonsensical story about how the doll came to be in their possession, but as it was written in gothic font and basically began "it was a dark and stormy night", I rather thought it was typed by someone who got a D on their creative writing course. This kind of tale gets the 'real' sellers all riled up. The seller at Dorian Midnight's Dark Emporium huffs:

"I have seen people paint dark eyes on dolls, write ludicrous long stories, with no merit about their “haunted dolls” and even  claim they have a infinite supply from a “magic Grandmother”, or some other fictional person, in an attempt to sell an otherwise plain and ordinary doll to somebody, for no other reason but personal gain."


Naturally, she'd never take any of her dolls out to a cemetery and pose them on a selection of other people's graves! I mean, that would just be wrong, wouldn't it? 



Oh.


Sweet dreams y'all!
Lakota x

Want more? See The Magic and Madness of Ebay Part 2

49 comments:

  1. Oh my word, and I thought reborns were as bad as it gets! There is a reborn in my local charity shop that has been there ages, it's £75 and nobody sees to want it. It just stares at me scarily as I pay for things and run away quickly! Hilarious post, thank you!

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  2. I seriously just had to go to Ebay and start looking myself. I don't know whether to laugh, cry or run for the hills. What I do know is an accidental click of "Buy It Now" gives me chills like none other!!!

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  3. oh my good lord, those dolls are utterly freaky! I once search seemed stockings before and got bombarded with listings of 'used stockings / knickers'!! Mind you, I'm skint this month so I probably shouldn't laugh...............;O)

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  4. Am I laughing too hard or freaked out and too numb to comment? If you had told me there was one seller trying to pull this off, I would have understood, but to say it is a category and the sellers with the "real deal" are disturbed by the "imposters"...
    Dare we wonder where this trend will morph?

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  5. Oh my word I have never laughed so hard but at the same time been so freaked out...what are these people on???

    I am just off to bed now, wish I hadn't read this post...think I may have to sleep with the light on :)) x

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  6. It was bad enough when Gabby (Desperate Housewives) bought an $800 princess doll to take the place of her natural daughter (swapped at birth) - but spirit dolls really do take the cake.

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  7. i've heard of these but when you said, "Yes, just as the Bible tells us folks...lead a good life and end up trapped in the body of Tiny Tears, spending eternity turning a fridge on and off." I really DID laugh out loud! Can I be hush a bye baby instead, that doll is creepy anyway so I can bring it to a new level!

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  8. Is this for real Lakota???

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  9. I don't like those dolls at all. So creepy! And as for that possessed thing...gives me the shivers just looking at it!

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  10. Hilarious! I now know my home is incomplete without a haunted doll... I'd get one but I think my poltegeist-harbouring dog would be jealous!

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  11. What a great post :)I love the comment on free shipping ;)

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  12. Amazing what 'treasures' you can find on ebay isn't it.

    If only we could think up the next big thing - we'd be rich!!

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  13. I will now never be able to look at a doll the same way again!

    Great read, very well written and very, very funny.

    Madison xxx

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  14. These are all absolutely for real - well, the sellers are serious. I haven't linked to Ebay as the links won't last. Also I don't wan't hoards of angry paranormal collectors sticking pins in my effigy! But search 'Spirit Doll' and see

    (Anyone with my address - PLEASE don't buy me one!)

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  15. I have heard of things like this on Ebay ewww scary!!

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  16. This is a new one on me. I'm not surprised, but I am a little shocked. The channel 4 documentary about reborn dolls spooked me enough, but these take it to a whole new level of poor taste. My mother's first daughter drowned at 2 (she was pregnant with me at the time) and she just doesn't 'get' the obsession some people have with stuff like this. It does, though, bring your post about the dead twin back to light.

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  17. That stuff is well freaky, who on earth in their right mind would want one of the dolls? And I thought 'Chucky' was bad enough!

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  18. oh my word.. the scariest thing is people do buy them! I am going to look for them on ebay now though... ha and the world didn't end either! x

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  19. Those dolls are horrible - can't believe people fall for that rubbish! ... Wonder how much I'd get for Margaret .... mmm ....?
    Liz

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  20. This is freaky s**t, those dolls are scary as hell even without added spirits! Ive seen crazy stuff on ebay, the best being the hair from a guy called dave which was pulled from daves head when he was stealing the sellers car! It was 99p no reserve, dont think its sold - funny that. Scarlett x

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  21. Eekkkk! Bloody awful! I'm not keen on dolls at the best of times and those things are terrifying. xxx

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  22. It takes all sorts, huh. But who would want to be haunted - life is hard enough as it is, without having cranky spirits chucking your things about and keeping you awake at night. No thanks!

    I've seen unwashed, used knickers for sale on eBay - for all the pervs I suppose.

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  23. OMG I had to read post your post twice to make sure i was reading it right. Those dolls are well freaky and far to strange and sick for me i have to say. What is wrong with people i just don't get it at all but we are all different and what ever makes you tick i suppose. Interesting post i have to say ;-)) dee x

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  24. Hi there, my first post, discovered your blog and have really enjoyed catching up on past posts, you make me laugh!
    This post is particularly funny, it's great to be made to laugh out loud by a complete stranger on a Wednesday morning.
    Keep it up, m'dear!
    Love Curtise x
    PS. I know it's nothing to do with this post, but Mr.pastcaring is from Mumbles and we have fab pics of our kids at Caswell too!

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  25. LOL are these ppl mad/sick in the head and the ppl that buy them must be even madder but hey u gotta love ebay for its craziness!!
    Hmmmm now i wonder if my upcoming swap partner for the 2nd hand swap would like one of these mwah haha ;0 only kidding!

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  26. Excellent piece Lakota. Had me laughing out loud. Those dolls are ghastly. I feel awful now for making ‘Susie2’, but all I did was re-create a dolly, (because I’m nostagic and had the pattern), not summon the spirit of a dead child *shudder*!

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  27. Good grief, there really is one born every minute. The word tasteless comes to mind. Still makes for an interesting Ebay surf! ... ;0)

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  28. I laughed so much I wet myself - only with tears I hasten to add. Am off to check out Ebay.

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  29. What the...? I'm speechless, I really am. I've heard it all now - demonic zebras indeed!

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  30. WOW!!! I am an avid vintage doll collector, and NEVER have I laughed so hard. Really, the lengths people will go to to sell old worthless dolls!!
    Then again one of my 60+ dolls may be the culprit of my house needing to be cleaned, laundry piling up, dishes in the sink...hey that's a GREAT excuse!!!
    Honey, I swear I spent the morning doing housework...uh-huh, and then this doll came...yeah...and MADE me leave it...uh-huh. I swear!!

    Thanks for the laugh, Lakota!!!

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  31. That's my Christmas list sorted already!

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  32. You have terrified me to my inner core!! And why do they all have slightly too big mouths that resemble blow up dolls? All very suspicious but don't even want to go there!

    Looking forward to the next in the series (I think).

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  33. Before I got to your sweet dreams comment, I figured those creepy dolls would find a way into my nightmares! That really cranks the crazy up several notches!

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  34. Very, very funny! I like a creepy doll, but even I draw the line at this malarkey!
    Looking forward to part two. xxx

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  35. Jesus on a jetski, those things are f**king freaky! Why?!

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  36. This is soooooooooooooooooooooo funny!!!! Oh dear, is all I can say!

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  37. Ah, I'm going to have nightmares tonight!

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  38. Don't you DARE do this to me - ahhhhh - I can feel my hands heading towards opening a new tab and looking for haunted dolls.
    What a weird freakin' idea. Honestly. What is WRONG with people?

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  39. O M G!!! This make me giggle in a slightly scared hysterical way - haunted dolls?! Just what every ebay buyer needs... :)

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  40. spooky!!!!!! aaaacckkkkkk i dont want to see those creepy dolls and expensive too??? eeeeekkkkk gosh they do sell weirdest things on ebay hahaha

    xx Susan

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  41. Ew, no way! I'll be sticking to safer tings like ribbons and beads! Felting needles might stab me (repeatedly when I'm tired) but they don't frighten thelife out of me!

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  42. That is just crazy! Hmmm hang on, I've got an old Tiny Tears that needs a new home, only problem is that she's got an anger management problems and speaks in different tongues, time to visit ebay!

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  43. OOOOH. MY. DAYS.

    Spirit dolls. I particularly love that some people give A+ feedback when their ugly-ass dolly starts haunting them in the night. Cause who wouldn't want that combo??

    I want to come back as fairy barbie. The one that got discontinued because it flew off randomly when overwound and gave people black eyes. (Evil laugh).

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  44. i'm fond of ebay, but never stumbled on hunted dolls before!!! i enjoyed the reading :) from debbie's newbie party

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  45. OK, I'm sorry,but these things kinda creep me out, haunted or NOT!~ That little girls face, not so cute sorry LOL!!~ Funny story, my gramps as he started getting older and dimentia...would swear my Moms dolls got up and danced in the middle of the night. Thanks for sharing with the newbie party.

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  46. That's hilarious! What a brilliant post!

    I buy loads on Ebay but have never searched for anything like this. I wonder if the zebra sold on the back of that blurry picture?

    I love your blog and your sense of humour. I'm cross I've not found you before. I'm adding you to my blog list so I don't miss anything else xx

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  47. Goodness gracious! I watched a film last night called 'May'. That had a pretty terrifying doll in it. I remember seeing those really realistic baby dolls in the FAO Schwarz toy store...there was a 'midwife' and married couples literally queuing up with strollers to 'adopt' a baby...terrifying!!
    Really great blog post...not sure I want a demonic zebra but a baby that never grows out of the 'cute tiny baby' stage might be nice one day! (Maybe)
    haha xxx

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  48. Hahaha! I've seen these 'possessed' dolls on eBay before and they always make me laugh! Some of them are quite spooky looking though so maybe the sellers are hoping that you'd be so creeped out by them that your mind will start playing tricks on you which would hopefully lead to good feedback! Great post! xxx

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  49. I will tell you a true story about these dolls.

    A card reader in L.A. used to go get readings. She owned one of these creepy dolls ,but a black doll cause she was into the religion Santeria. When I came in the room the card lady said the doll liked me and passed on to me true messages to me. I had to say hi to her.the doll did not look as creepy as the ones on Ebay ,but it was really old looking. I just seen a gypsy hauted doll I like ,but I will not buy it as I am prone to spirits alreay.

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