The Magic and Madness of Ebay. Part 1

Ebay. It's a fertile source of vintage (and not so vintage) fripperies, genuine Mulberry Alexas all the way from China, and last year's Primark playsuits. If you type 'chewing gum' into the buying page, the related searches it gives you include 'used chewing gum', 'half eaten sandwich' and 'Britney Spears bra'. Yup, it's a whole compendium of crazy, but some items (and sellers) take it to a hitherto undiscovered level. So, welcome to the first in an occasional series of magic and madness I've found on Ebay. For your delectation today - Spirit Dolls!


Oh yes. You thought reborn dolls were a bit freaky? Indeed they are, and I would swear this is in fact a real child - for $400 I would expect him to be, frankly - but Spirit Dolls go one better. 'Barry' on the left there doesn't do much (unless you count emptying your bank account - spookily realistic again) but don't you want a doll who can 'communicate with you through dreams', 'cause lights to flicker', 'slam doors' , 'create cold spots' or 'play with the faucet'?

You do? Welcome to the world of haunted dolls. Each occupied by a spirit - usually of a child who 'died' in tragic circumstances - and more often than not sold by someone who is 'downsizing', and cannot keep all their paranormal collection of rowdy offspring. What is not explained is why the dolls in question so often resemble the bastard offspring of Chucky from Child's Play and Little Orphan Annie. Look away now if you don't like clowns...

This is Madalyn. Gosh, she's just adorable isn't she? 

Perhaps she died at a birthday party, choking on a Chicken McNugget.

The seller in question is very concerned about the spirit friend she's  flogging on Ebay  passing on and begs:

"All I ask is that you give your spirited doll a good and loving home. Treat each of them with the utmost respect. After all, you too may be a spirited doll someday"

Yes, just as the Bible tells us folks...lead a good life and end up trapped in the body of Tiny Tears, spending eternity turning a fridge on and off.

Of course, you'd probably want a friend for Madalyn wouldn't you? This is Mira, who fell in the creek and drowned whilst trying to catch tadpoles.

She should have used a net...

Oh goody, she can stand up.

Wouldn't it be lovely to see her crossing your room at night?

Whilst researching this post I very nearly clicked Buy It Now rather than Add to Watch List. Phew. I could have inadvertently purchased a 'Haunted Evil Demonic Wooden Zebra'!

Be careful what you buy at the bootsale...

The seller claims to have bought it at an antiques market without knowing it was haunted, much less demonic, and despite being a collector of the paranormal, 'does not want any part of demons'. Well who can blame her?  Just listen to her sales pitch:

"About a week after bringing this into my home weird things started to happen...doors slamming when no one else was there and heavy footsteps, disembodied voices and a horrible smell at times..."

Sounds pretty much like life with toddlers to me, but no, she blames the demonic zebra, yours for only $24.99. I checked the feedback of some of these sellers, and they all seem to have given 100% satisfaction. My favourite comment was this one:

Fast ship and as described. Would do business with again! My wife says Thanks!

(Haunted Baby Secret Doll Possessed Scary Demon Ghost)

One can only imagine the occasion that calls for a baby doll with demonic possession as the perfect gift. If your budget is a little larger than $24.99, who could fail to be enticed by this title?

HAUNTED POSSESSED DEVIL DOLL FROM THE GATES OF HELL!!!

$999.00 (free shipping)

That free shipping might just seal the deal for the casual shopper. The listing was accompanied by a lengthy and no doubt nonsensical story about how the doll came to be in their possession, but as it was written in gothic font and basically began "it was a dark and stormy night", I rather thought it was typed by someone who got a D on their creative writing course. This kind of tale gets the 'real' sellers all riled up. The seller at Dorian Midnight's Dark Emporium huffs:

"I have seen people paint dark eyes on dolls, write ludicrous long stories, with no merit about their “haunted dolls” and even  claim they have a infinite supply from a “magic Grandmother”, or some other fictional person, in an attempt to sell an otherwise plain and ordinary doll to somebody, for no other reason but personal gain."

Naturally, she'd never take any of her dolls out to a cemetery and pose them on a selection of other people's graves! I mean, that would just be wrong, wouldn't it? 

Oh.

Sweet dreams y'all!
Lakota x

Want more? See The Magic and Madness of Ebay Part 2