Hello, sorry it's all been quiet for a while. As usual at this time of year, I'm a flap, thinking about birthday parties and baking birthday cakes. The boys have their big days within 2 and half weeks of each other, but ever since we all got some appalling vomiting bug over Boy1's first birthday and I wasn't able to finish his cake - let alone entertain party guests - March has loomed over me like GCSE coursework every year.
I know, it's stupid, the kids themselves are excited regardless and have never claimed their birthday was ruined or anything so melodramatic, but it's the one area where I become totally neurotic. If I'm not monitoring the outbreaks of D&V in nursery and working out how many days grace we'd have to get ill and recover before a party (yes, it's happened again since that doomed first birthday), I'm convincing myself that they'll one day be discussing the inferior frosting on the dinosaur cake with their therapist.
I blame my mother. I always had such fantastic birthdays, with themed cakes depending on my interests at the time - fairy toadstool house, magician's top-hat, signed photograph of Tom Cruise [yeah, I got fancy cakes right into my teens. And I fancied him before he became an unnervingly white-toothed sofa-jumping mentalist. Now, not so much] - that I feel anything less would be letting my kids down. Imagine - just being able to sling a Ben10 'celebration tray bake' in the trolley and job done! But I was brought up with a healthy disdain for 'supermarket cake' - thanks again, Mum - so why not make things difficult for myself and make an edible model of a Nintendo DSi? [You'll notice I'm not Mumzilla enough to pay someone who's actually competent to make it for me - I prefer to suffer and spend £150 on something which won't end its life as a handful of crumbs in a novelty serviette].
It doesn't help that I have several Facebook friends who are professional cake makers, forever posting photos of creations which wouldn't look out of place at the Palace of Versailles.
If you need a properly impressive cake - contact her @PMTCupcakes
Mine taste good, but I've never been on a cake decorating course, and most of the year no-one expects my Victoria sponge to resemble Captain Hook. Mary Berry isn't there on the Great British Bake-off saying "it's delicious, but I'd have enjoyed it so much more if it was shaped like a Victorian steam engine". [It had cotton wool steam billowing from a mini roll funnel. In case you're wondering]. If I'd made the same cake twice a year for seven years, maybe I wouldn't have this problem, but there's been little opportunity to practise making a giant lego brick before now.
Boy1's 7th birthday cake
Despite appearances, this cake was not moulded from play-doh by the chubby digits of a three year old child.
Anyway, he liked it - or the five new mini figures I decorated it with - and I breathed a sigh of relief before surveying what was left of my house following a three hour party for ten rampaging children. And remembering I have to do it all again in 10 days time.
Anyway, this lengthy ramble was supposed to explain my tardiness in choosing a winner for my fabulous blogiversary giveaway. So, as chosen by the random number generator, congratulations to number 6 - aka Alice from An Alien World. Please could you email me with your address?
Hello as well to new followers - I've a load of blogs to catch up on, but do drop me a comment so I can come and say hi.
Right, I hope you're ready for a long post. This tag has been going round for a while, and I've been got three times, so there are a lot of questions I've had to answer. If you aren't nosy - ha! - or don't see how I can possibly be that fascinating, there are a couple of videos in there to keep you entertained.
1. Are you a morning or a night person?
Much as it would be good to be a morning person, after 7 years of early wake ups I'm still rubbish at getting out of bed.
2. Have you ever stolen anything (be honest I won't set the law on you)
It's not big or clever to steal ashtrays or glasses from pubs. It's even less big and clever to half-inch an entire bar stool. Well, maybe it's quite clever. I didn't really carry a handbag in those days. Sorry, former landlord of The White Hart.
3. What is your favourite word?
I'm an English graduate, I should say something impressive. Maybe anthropomorphism? Or ellipses... In reality, most over-used is probably 'bollocks'.
4. What can't you live without?
Books, internet access, kids (mine), decaf coffee, music.
5. Who/what do you have an irrational dislike of?
This was hard. All my dislikes are completely rational. I used to despise 'Lady' Victoria Hervey and her smug horse face, but she seems to no longer be in every magazine I ever open. She's been replaced in my chart of dislike by Peaches Geldof. Frank Skinner. *shudder*. Alex Ferguson and that disgusting dead eyed gum chewing he does. Strictly Come Dancing. Not even thinking about the dopes who crash about on it, just the title gives me the rage. Even more annoying when shortened to 'Strick-ly!' by gormless mouth breathers. Talc. Specifically the amount used by my husband and how he wafts it all over the bathroom. You could make talc-angels in there, seriously.
6. Where is your favourite place to eat out?
I don't go for eating out in the same way most people do. I mean, I enjoy going out with people, that side of it - but I'd rather have a home-cooked meal than restaurant food. Too much cream and butter makes me feel ill. I prefer lots of wine, someone's spotify playlist and spag bol.
7. Who is the cleverest person you know?
I'm not sure, I know a lot of interesting people. It depends how you judge it.
8. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Was it any good? The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, the Hollywood version. It was ok, although I thought Daniel Craig was pretty dull. He just played Daniel Craig, with glasses. The James Bond-esque opening credits were cool, mind you, and I liked Rooney Mara. The book is better.
9. What is your guilty TV pleasure?
Gossip Girl. Totally ridiculous. XOXO. Oh, and the early audition stages of X-Factor.
10. Where did you last go on holiday?
Malta.
11. What makes you go "GAHHHHHHHHHHHH"?
Walking into a previously tidy room and finding toys EVERYWHERE. The fact that so many people want to be - and are - famous for being orange and vacuous. Facebook 'scare' updates from people who have no 'is this utter crap?' filter. People using LOL as punctuation. Word verification on blogs. Turn it off, turn it off, TURN IT OFF!
1. What is your favourite dessert?
Too hard to pick one! Best quick one I make is ice-cream, banana, flaked almonds and a home-made hot caramel sauce.
2. If you could live in any decade which would it be and why?
Ooh I dunno, quite happy with what I've lived through so far. Assuming I avoided the black death and Great Fire of London, it might have been fun to be a scandalous court lady at the time of Charles II.
3. What is your favourite Disney film?
I'm not one of these people who will argue passionately for one over another, I'm not really into princesses and Elton John tunes. Toy Story was very good though.
4. Who is your favourite historical person and why?
Hmm, Elizabeth I. Kick ass Queen who held her own in a man's world.
5. What is your favourite book? The Outsiders. Reading it as an adult I can see the flaws but I loved it growing up. The Secret History, amazing.
For proper excitement which you rarely find in adult books, YA books 'The Hunger Games' trilogy. Read now before the film comes out!
6. If you were given £1000 to spend in any one place, where would you choose?
Probably a massive weekend antiques fair. Although I wouldn't say no to a grand to spend in Mulberry [would probably get me one bag and a keyring these days]
7. What is your favourite childhood memory?
Standing in a stream next to our gypsy caravan in the Lake District, playing with a margarine tub boat with my sister, my dad lighting the camp-fire to cook Cumberland sausage and new potatoes for dinner.
8. If you could hold a dinner party with only 2 other guests (dead or alive, celebrity or historical) who would you choose?
Well that would be me, my husband and Tim Minchin. Cosy! We've already decided we'd be best friends if we actually met. Obviously. Or if the Mr wasn't available, then Elizabeth the First could join us. We'd drink a lot of wine and get demanding, insisting that Tim serenade us and threatening to execute him if he wasn't funny enough.
9. What would you choose to be your last supper?
Jambalaya with chicken and chorizo. And a boxset of Prison Break.
10. Name one beauty product you couldn't live without
This is where some po-faced supermodel says 'water'. Honestly, if the government suddenly banned make-up in some dystopian future where everyone HAD to be bare-faced, I wouldn't care that much. It's nice to wear on an evening out, but I can't imagine being someone who has to wear mascara to nip out and buy milk. I guess I'd miss nail varnish, as I see my hands more than my face.
11. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?
I'm not sure I've found it yet. I'd like to try living in lots of places, assuming I could 'work' in a Carrie Bradshaw kind of way involving a few lines on my laptop occasionally.
1. Your favourite pizza topping?
As many things as can possibly be crammed on - ham, olives, pineapple, peppers, chicken, pepperoni, extra cheese...
2. Your happiest childhood memory?
See Sandy's question above. Another one would be the Summer (well, it was a week, but felt like a Summer) I spent with my friend Felicity after she'd moved away from where we grew up. That'd be a whole post in itself.
3. What you think when you smell vanilla?
My perfume [Angel] is vanilla based. Makes me think of Paris, where I first bought it.
4. When was the last time you had hiccups and how did you cure them?
I get hiccups ALL the time, I don't bother trying to get rid of them any more. If I get them once in a day, I'll definitely get them again. I'm used to it, but secretly worrying about one day being this person:
5. What you're currently reading? Wonder, by R. J, Palacio. Set to be the new 'Curious Incident', according to The Times. It's about a little boy with a severe facial deformity who starts school for the first time at the age of ten, and how he deals with the reactions of other people - peers and adults.
6. Inny or outie?
I don't even know any more, pregnancy has done weird things.
7. Your biggest fear?
Nuclear holocaust (thanks kids' books of the 80s), hideous disease pandemics (thanks scary films of the 00s) being eaten by sharks, anything bad happening to my children, including the previous things I mentioned.
8. Your favourite song and why?
Again too many to pick just one, different songs remind me of different eras in my life, as I imagine they do for most people. 'Unfinished Sympathy' by Massive Attack is right up there though. It's a Bristol thing.
9. Something you regret?
Not practising the piano more when I was kid.
10. Your favourite item of clothing?
For consistency in my life, one or other of my leather jackets of the day.
11. Somebody you admire and why?
J. K. Rowling. She was a single parent, had the discipline to write every day and became massively successful. She also (quietly) gives loads of money to charity.
********
I was also supposed to share 11 random facts about myself but frankly my brain has seized up and I don't want to bore you to tears, so I'll leave you with the snippet that I secretly think I'd be really good in a rap battle - you know, like Eminem in 8 Mile. So don't be dissing me, dawg.
However, I have managed to think of some questions of my own as the tag dictates, so if you haven't done it yet and would like to answer mine, feel free, and give me a shout when you've done them. Otherwise I tag Lucewoman, Confused Brit Girl, Sian Lile, Middle Aged Drama Queen, Sarah Misfit, La Sophia, A Thrifty Mrs and MissieLizzie.
My questions:
1. Favourite game you played as a kid a) at home b) at school?
2. Personality trait which secretly really irritates you in a close friend or partner?
3. You get to choose one TV channel only - what do you go for?
4. Would you rather be really beautiful, or really funny? Why?
5. What's your Native American totem animal?
6. Which fictional character do you most relate to?
7. Music which you couldn't be paid to listen to?
8. Who would play you in the film version of your life story?
9. Best band you've ever seen live?
10. Most annoying thing about blogging or bloggers?
11. What is or would be your Superhero talent?
Lakota x
PS. I am now the proud owner of a genie lego minifigure!
So, what did you do today? Day at the office and drinks after work? Or school-run and a bit of bargain hunting? I don't do too many 'mum' posts - but I thought I'd share a glimpse into how sometimes life as a parent finds you spending your morning in an alternative fashion - in this case on a friends carpet, trying to identify the contents of lego mini-figure sachets without opening them. Sample conversation was something like this:
"Feel this bit. Does this feel like a banana to you?"
"Could be. Although it could be goggles. Is there a helmet?"
"There's a long bit in here - I think it's a spear. Or a fishing rod"
"Bollocks. Another bloody Hula girl! That's five!"
Yes, this is how many we had. An entire shop counter display carton - £120 worth of the little buggers. If you've not played with lego in the last 30 years you might not know that the humble lego man has undergone a style makeover and no longer has the kind of hair formerly sported by Alf from Home and Away. They now come in super cool outfits, with no career or cheery racial stereotype unrepresented!
Both my boys are lego crazy and absolutely adore collecting these figures. Each series has 16 different characters but as they come sealed packets, without the benefit of x-ray vision, you don't know what you're getting. The boys swap between themselves, but as the figures are £2 each it's hard to complete the collection once you've got most of the series - we have an army of Egyptian Mummies and my friend's little boy's got enough Beefeaters to form an entire Royal Guard. My mate Michelle, mum of said little boy, had spent so long feeling the packets in our local toyshop that the proprietor - presumably feeling uncomfortable with the mad-woman fondling the merchandise - kindly said that she could take the entire box home with her, and then return it the following day with the payment for any she wanted.
I need the genie - contact me with your swapsie requests ;-)
So obviously, being a sane and rational mother, I only laughed uproariously at her for a moment before joining her in her living room for our training in blind lego identification. Luckily, we'd already established that each figure comes with one unique identifiable piece - whether the hula girl's maracas or the rapper's boom-box - and all it takes is a gallon of coffee, an hour and a half and a packet of post-it notes. Oh, and it would probably help to have a working knowledge of braille. But we were successful! And now I have a whole stash of identified mini-figures to give as rewards for good behaviour, in the goody-bags for the upcoming lego themed birthday party and for decorating the birthday cake. I'm thinking a giant lego brick, displayed on one of those green knobbly base-boards.
If you don't have kids this might seem a ridiculous way to spend your morning, but I feel it takes second place to many times we'd run out of emmantal, favourite cheese of the mini dictator of the day, and I defused the immanent melt-down by hand-carving holes in a slice of cheddar. Obviously I couldn't make it taste like an evil cross between soap and walnuts, but he never seemed to mind, it was all about the aesthetics. And is it only my child who will only deign to eat a banana - the convenient self-packaged, ready to eat fruit - if it's sliced on a plate to be eaten with a fork?
There's a lego man head underneath - he's in a gorilla suit!
Mind you, I'd be lying if I said the morning's escapades were all for the benefit of the offspring. I love the figures too, and would have a collection larger than the boys' if I thought I'd be allowed to keep it (I currently have the Statue of Liberty and the Cave Girl, and am refusing to give them up). Michelle is just as bad, Mr FHCS has them on his desk at work, and I defy anyone who played with lego as a kid - or just likes kitschy cute fashion - not to see the appeal. Of course, mine would be displayed on a shelf like Boy1's, not scattered under-foot or mixed and matched to create mutants a la Toy Story and thoughtfully left in the shower for Mummy to tread on - the hallmark of a Boy2 game.
click pic to enlarge
Series 7 is out this month - I want the hippy, geek and merman; how about you?
What ridiculous thing have you found yourself doing for your kids?
Lakota x
PS. My giveaway ends March 7th - I think I'll throw a mini-figure in too!
PPS. If you like my blog, I'd love it if you could nominate any of the more amusing posts for the Brit Mums BIB awards - I think the eBay posts have the edge at the moment!
