Perverts, vamps and voting...

Blogging is a marvellous thing. Not only do you get to connect with lunatics crafty/stylish/literary geniuses all round the globe - but there's the dubious bonus of discovering the ways in which people use and abuse Google. And indeed the English language. Yes, I speak of the peculiar pleasure of trawling the 'search keywords' section of your blog stats.

If you read 'How to drive traffic to your blog' type posts you'll be told to keep a keen eye on your keywords, work out what's popular and tailor your writing accordingly. I suppose if you're a fashion blogger and continually get hits for 'Topshop' or '70s style flares' this could be helpful. However my keywords range from the perverse to the ridiculous, and quite frankly, I'll decide what to write, not the work-shy bloke from Doncaster* who googles 'plump luscious booty' every single bloody morning. Besides, what my stats have told me is that whilst many people are keen (and specific) in their admiration of ladies' nether parts, there was a reason for the original photo which I assume led to all this, which is unlikely to be repeated. I had thought I was justified in continuing the Magic and Madness of Ebay series, given the number of people searching for 'dark magic priestesses' and all kinds of cosmetic procedures with 'spell' tacked on the end, but then it dawned on me that they'd be unlikely to appreciate my slant on it. It continues regardless.

Here's my search keywords from earlier today, pretty standard really, although the djinns are recent addition following the genie post.

They're a bit weird, but I can see how they all led to my blog. Same with 'Felt asparagus' which popped up recently. Some poor crafty type was innocently searching for fake food patterns and got me in a belligerent mood. Thing is, I was joking, naively thinking that making fabric aphrodisiacs was a pretty unlikely pastime. I've since Googled it myself  (thus perpetuating the madness). It isn't. I apologise.

However, occasionally there's a really random one. Whilst I do have an admitted fondness for vintage children's books, I'm not sure I ever reviewed this particular tome:

Aah, who doesn't remember this tale from their childhood?

'The Little Blue Gray Kitten Old Lady Saucer', an absolute classic.

Good luck with that, Googler. 

And 'malt coloured eyes'? WTF is that about? That's the colour you've set your heart on? Malt? As in beer or that sticky fruit loaf your mum used to buy which welds itself to your soft palette? Weirdo. [If you meant multi-coloured, then you're just stupid].

The thing is, even when it isn't the semi naked picture search luring people to my blog, the keywords are somehow pornographic. 'Cock and Testicles earrings' for example. Yes, I like earrings. I have been on a hen night or two in my time. I have never eulogised about genital themed jewellery. This search does not help me write posts that normal people want to read. As for whoever was searching for 'plump nude grannies', one can only guess at the many many pages of geriatric exhibitionists which must have come before the fateful click where he discovered me discussing crochet blankets. That shows true dedication to niche pornography. I'm so sorry for the inevitable disappointment. At least fans of 'Eric Northman Nude' get what they're looking for here. I am tempted to post something ridiculous like 'velvet onion etching', just to see if anyone ever searches the term. Any suggestions? There'll be a prize if it ever turns up in my stats!

Anyway, occasionally the stats tab brings a pleasant surprise, which occurred when I realised a couple of people had been referred here by the Dorset Cereals website, which run a 'little blog awards'. Someone (and by that I mean my husband, presumably) has nominated me, and as there is cereal and an egg-cup (yes, seriously) up for grabs - why wouldn't I want to win? Why, it's virtually the Oscars! Just with healthy oat and wheat flakes and without the Tom Hanks bias. If you like the blog and would be kind enough to vote for me, you can click the link below or see picture on my sidebar. You could win cereals too, just by voting!

http://www.dorsetcereals.co.uk/fun-stuff/little-blog-awards/nomination/5507

Do let me know about your oddest searches.

Lakota x

*I admit this may be extrapolation on my part

Printer's Tray to Earring Display

Hello. Sorry I've been a bit quiet for the last week, it's been a busy one. I'll catch up with all your blogs soon. Incidentally, yesterday's Silent Sunday post was my 100th - I'm amazed I've made it this far. Thank you to  everyone whose comments and feedback have made it so much fun.

Anyhow - remember the printer's tray (or type case) I bought recently? It's far better made than a lot I've seen, with dovetail joints and a solid wood back rather than plywood, but it had several years' worth of filth and dead spiders which needed removing before I could do anything else with it. It was a harder task than I'd anticipated cleaning each little compartment - 95 of the grimy things in all. Dust and dessicated arachnids removed, I gave it a light sanding and then applied a couple of coats of Danish Oil with a paintbrush. The colour came up beautifully.

Mr FHCS manfully took on the task of attaching two 'screw eyes' (closed loops) to each compartment save the tiniest ones; not an easy job. We discovered the best way was to part hammer in a thin tack to make the initial hole, then get the screw eyes in place by holding and twisting them using needle nose pliers. Strangely he's not thrilled at the idea of making any more and going into business on Etsy, muttering darkly under his breath about callouses and where was his tea? A couple of decades later, I screwed some fittings to the back and it's ready to be hung on the wall.

Here's the finished article, with a selection of my finest earrings hanging happily from it. I had thought about backing some of the compartments with vintage map paper, but I'm not sure it needs it. Another option would be to back a few compartments at random with mirror cut to size - I've seen this done and it adds definite glamour, but it might look better against darker wood?

I've put in one pair per compartment, but you could easily fit one pair per loop in most cases.

And here's a reminder of what it looked like before - pretty good transformation don't you think?

I'm really quite in love with it now, and it's my Flea Market Find of the Year. Anyone want to come over and play jewellery shop?

Lakota x

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