So yeah, it's Autumn, has anyone mentioned it? Due to my inherent laziness and world class procrastination skills you'll have observed that I didn't write a post noting that excited feeling you get in your stomach, the way you can smell fresh pencil shavings in the air, opaque tights, new boots, the glory of nature's changing colours™, the fact that I can now legitimately live on apple crumble or the imminent return of Downton Abbey.
That's not to say I'm not ridiculously excited about those things, I am. Boy2 and I dropped his brother off at school today and then went hunting for conkers. It was lovely, and our glossy treasures now reside in a fruit bowl by the telly, along with a few partially chewed pine cones he presented me with yesterday. [Partially chewed by a squirrel, not Boy2, although I wouldn't put it past him]. However, it took but a tiny fraction of the day. As parents of small children will be aware - the Summer holidays are looong, and when a much idolised big brother has started school already, the days until little brother can start nursery seem even longer.
I don't think I'm that hard hearted, but I must confess to being bemused by the Facebook statuses which appear every year about this time - full of wailing, tooth gnashing and breast beating about the dreaded 'back to school'. I'd understand it from the teens, but this is the parents. Hmm, maybe there's a reason I'm not a 'Mummy blogger'. But seriously people, it's primary school, where they do painting and learn about the world, not a Stalinist gulag or Chilean mine. They get blueberries and mango for snack time these days, not two soldiers of white bread spread with Stork like we used to have. I've been a stay at home parent for 6 years - and I wouldn't change the time I've had with the kids for anything - but my mind boggles at some of these updates. How little imagination you must have to not know how to fill the hours til 3.15pm without your 'clever little man Ryan who is goin into year 2 now, bless LOL'. Come on - it's too rainy for the park, and there's only so much talk of Ben 10 and his intergalactic alter-egos a girl can take. Learn to crochet! Write a blog! Pick any Nigella recipe and eat the results before the kids get home! Is it any wonder I'm feeling a little liverish after another week of egg-box related crafts?
I can't be the only one who is just a teensy bit excited at the prospect of a couple of hours to myself a day, coupled with being able to use the loo without being asked "Are you doing a wee or a poo Mummy? Can I come in?"
Luckily, help is at hand. At least it was in 1956. I found a stash of mid-century magazines at the car boot on Sunday, which proved to be a great source of one of my favourite things - vintage advertisements.
Does anyone else think Linda is being addressed by Michael Winner?
Bile Beans! I mean, they just sell themselves don't they? There really is something wonderful about the way admen could make wild and unsubstantiated claims back then. Nowadays laxative adverts just blither on about 'gentle, predictable relief', but bile beans appear to make you supermom and supermodel in one fell swoop! 'Clear-eyed, fresh-complexioned' and, rather worryingly, only now able to love your child.
2. Having an irritable and unpleasant disposition
Yep, a pill that will rid you of your irritable and unpleasant disposition, plus help you lose 'unwanted fats' - I'm sure there's another name for it these days. Plus you don't even have to endure eight hours of gurning in a sweaty warehouse waving a glo-stick to achieve the results. Doctor!