New Year's Resolutions of the Stars - 2013

Hey hey -  have you decided that this is the year you finally become thinner/ fitter/ nicer/ richer? You're not alone, as the resolutions of today's celebs reveal.


Emeli Sandé 

Wow, 2013. I think this is the year I really need to get myself and my music out there. I mean OK, there was the Olympics Opening Ceremony, the Olympics closing ceremony, the X Factor finals show, the BBC Sports Personality of the Year programme, the MOBOS, The Brit Awards, three number one UK singles and topping the UK album chart, but I'm worried. There may still be some members of a remote hill tribe in Borneo who have never heard me over-emote whilst playing a piano. Well no more! I refuse to hide my light under a bushel any longer!

Kim n' Kanye

Kim: This year is going to be so special. We are so blessed. I'm already planning how we're going to spend that little bundle of joy that's coming our way. Of course, there's going to be some sleepless nights, but ten million dollars in deals is going to take a lot of count... [Kanye: Whoop! Make some noise for my babymama!] Kim: Thanks honey. Anyway, as I was saying, there will be challenges ahead, but it's nothing we can't monetise together. From famous bum to famous bump, right? It'll...[Kanye: I'mma let you finish, but this is going to be the best baby of all time!] Kim: Sure, sweetie. I'm thinking 'Kash' for a boy and  'Kristal' for a girl. Or maybe 'Kubic-Zirconia', that's pret...[Kanye: Get down girl, go head get down!] Kim: Sheesh...

Taylor Swift

I've learned a lot of life lessons in the last year. Relationships take work. There's a lot of guys out there and it's going to take time to date them all. That's OK though, as I have a 47 album deal and need new material. Harry Styles will do for January - it's only a matter of time before we implode in a mess of song lyrics and Twitter hashtags - but he's an amateur when it comes to creepy mind games and controlling relationships. And I don't really like being the older woman. It's icky.  If only there was a famous guy out there with a penchant for robotic looking strawberry blondes who are a lot younger than him. And who liked making really public and cringe-making declarations of love. Perhaps on Oprah. That'd be perfect...

Tom Cruise

How you doin'?

Ryan Gosling

Hey Girl. You can achieve your dreams this year. I believe in you. Just like the studios believe in me. I grew up with prejudice, but I've proved there are roles out there for a man whose heritage includes cocker spaniel. Oh, and I'm going to learn fair isle knitting this year too.

K-Middy

1. Keep up good works.

2. Pick name for heir to throne - it's between George and Pharrell at the moment.

3. Buy bra. Wear bra at all times.

4. Look into rules on treason - is beheading still allowed?

Newly wed Hugh Heffner (86)

My resolution? To have sex every day until I die!

Newly wed Crystal Heffner (26)

I have the same resolution as my honey-pie. Sex everyday until he dies!

Happy New Year!

Lakota x

Last year's Resolutions post here. Do you have any? Do share.