It's the time of year that Boots run an advert on a permanent loop, showing some bunch of shrieking harpies elbowing each other in the ladies' loos as they apply 'shimmering party eyegloss' and tong their hair effortlessly with one hand, and one is forced on nights out with previously normal colleagues who suddenly resemble Little Mix rolled in glue and glitter. [Yes I know I said I liked Christmas. I do. But I can't maintain a Pollyanna attitude indefinitely.]
Otherwise achingly modern magazines prefer to merely lift an article from the archives of around 1958, assuming that if women work at all, it will be in an office, and that we're all dying to impress 'Tony from Accounts' by donning something spangly over the top of our normal work attire. [Just add dangly earrings and a sequinned bolero and he'll be looking at you in a whole new light! I'm not sure why it's always 'Accounts' either. The department has been called 'Finance' since at least 1994]. If you already have a partner, or just aren't interested in an over-weight credit controller in a shiny Next shirt, tough. Christmas parties are all about finding LOVE!
Lifebuoy soap advert from Tit-Bits magazine December 1957
Once you've primped, preened and adorned yourself with novelty jewellery of the flashing kind - just make sure you're 'careful enough about personal freshness'. Man-made fibres and a few too many eggnogs in a crowded function room can result in a man-repelling whiff - and 'perfumes and deodorants are not enough'. Yes, apparently Lifebuoy soap was the equivalent of Lynx for the ladies back in the day, getting 'right into the pores' and ensuring you went from stinky man-repeller to engaged and fragrant fox in the blink of an eye.
Charm your troubles away, ladies!